Boys are dumb.

I've been putting off posting about this because I wasn't sure where it would lead if anywhere at all. But since I suspect it may be more than a fleeting thing, I thought I'd share.

I have a boy crush. Yes, there's a guy in my life, Mike, who I have definite feelings for. We've been friends for a long time, but just recently realized that there's more between us. He lives in San Francisco, and he and I spent a lot of time together at the CSUN conference in LA last month. At first I just thought it was a passing physical attraction thing, but suddenly I found myself thinking about him constantly, obsessively checking my text messages, and feeling incredibly happy when I was with him. Once that happened, I knew all was lost... I had completely fallen for him. It wasn't at all what I had expected, certainly not something I planned, but it happened all the same.

Thankfully, Mike is into me too. we had a great conversation in which he described his feelings for me and that he definitely wanted us to continue beyond that week at CSUN. And so far we have. We talk nearly every night and are trying to figure out when/how we can see each other again. I'm not entirely sure what our relationship status is I admit. I dunno if he's my quote "boyfriend," or anything, we haven't talked about it that specifically, but we are exclusive and we're really enjoying talking to each other a lot and getting to know one another better. Right now it's a lot of fun and I'm loving it. The whole thing is so new that we're still kinda in that everything's wonderful and happy stage. You know what that's like right? Where it feels like everything's perfect and will always be this way. I know realistically that's not true, but it's fun for the moment. And hopefully once this stage passes, he and I will still be together and wanting to learn how we can make this last.

Wow, I'm starting to sound like such a conventional straight girl! It sounds pretty crazy I know. I was really kinda blindsided by this. I've always categorized myself as bisexual because I'm attracted to men and women both, but all labels aside, I've been dating women only for the better part of the past 6 years. Bisexuality seemed more like a theoretical ideal to me, not a concrete reality where I genuinely believed I could have a relationship with either gender. While I've often felt physically attracted to men, I kinda thought that in the long-term I'd be with a woman. Guys were fun to flirt with, but I didn't see them as relationship material. But somehow with Mike it's different. For some unknown reason I really want more with him. I can suddenly see myself actually wanting a real lasting thing with a guy. Yeah... strange that. If this sounds confusing or doesn't really make much sense to you, don't worry, I don't quite get it either. This connection with Mike just sorta happened. I guess it helps me believe that it's truly the person, not the gender, that really matters.

Anyway, I'm realistic enough to know that a relationship this new can change in a moment, but for right now I'm happy. I'm enjoying this experience with Mike and just want to go with it and see where it leads. So... here's hoping. Wish me luck!

Poll #1351636 Unofficial Bookshare Poll! Answer Options for Members & Non-members so Everyone Can Participate.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What's your favorite way to read Bookshare books? Please choose no more than two options.

About a year or so ago I used to be active on Twitter, but really haven't done much there in ages. I set up a new account today and its URL is twitter.com/ilovearizona. I used to be booksharebabe on Twitter, but that account is dead to me. (smile). I tried to recover my old password, but I had forgotten that account was attached to an e-mail address that's been deleted. Oops. I thought I had moved all related accounts to a new address before I deleted that e-mail, but apparently not. Yeah... kinda a dumb thing to do I know. Anyway, the new Twitter site is up and running, so you're welcome to follow me if you like. I re-added some of you on my new account, but a few I couldn't find and others have locked accounts. In any case, I look forward to reading about everyone on Twitter soon!

The auto companies, like many other businesses, are currently experiencing financial difficulties. My dad works
for Chrysler and has spent the past several weeks being worried over whether or not he will lose his job.
It's made for a very stressful holiday season, and my parents have both been feeling very depressed and discouraged.

My family lives in Arizona where John McCain is one of our senators. My mom, a life-time democrat, wrote a long and very polite e-mail to McCain
this week, asking him to support the government bail out for the auto companies. She sent a copy of her message to both my dad and me in hopes
that we'd write letters too. Instead... I wrote the below humorous letter to cheer her up. Since then I've shared it with others and they liked it too, so I thought I'd post it here. Yes, it's political and yes, it's very slanted, but it was written just to make people smile, not to be taken literally. So I hope you all can read it and and enjoy it for what it is... just some random humor.

===

Message:
From: "John McCain" joe_the_plumber@senate.gov
To: "Kathy " k***@cox.net
Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 1:40 AM
Subject: RE: AUTO COMPANY BAIL-OUTS!

Dear K:

Thank you for writing to me this holiday season. I don't normally get to reply to citizens' e-mails personally, but since the election results
indicate that I will not in fact become preshident of the United Shtates, I have time to write to all my friends here in Arizona.

I've read your message and have very carefully considered your concerns. However, due to our past correspondence, I've learned that you support many
policies that I as a fine moral upstanding citizen cannot condone. Your previous letters
indicate that you support items like socialized medicine, ending the liberation initiative in Iraq, equal pay for the weaker sex, baby disposal, raising taxes for those making more than $1.5 billion, taking away assault rifles from honest hard-working Americans, and allowing those sick and depraved homosexual sinners to turn against my personal lord and savior Jeeshus Christ and defile the sacred union of marriage.

Now, I admit that I do enjoy a little pork barrel spending now and again.
And I generally try to use my position and influence to pour money into as many large private corporations as possible. However, I feel as if I just can't
do that in this case. I know your husband has been a loyal GOP supporter and member of the "I masturbate to Sarah Palen fan club, but not even those noble
acts can rescue him from the consequences of staying married to a bleeding heart liberal with a functioning brain and too much internet access. Worst
still, I understand that both you and your daughter are feminists, which my considerable life experience has shown me is equivalent to being a terrorist.

I realize these are tough economic times for everyone, and now that your comfortable middle-class lifestyle is being threatened by auto company difficulties,
you've come crawling to your republican legislators to bail you out even though you are so vastly undeserving of my empathy... not that I possess empathy... I
was actually asked to leave my empathy behind (along with my shoes, laptop, and hair gel) when I flew to the republican national convention this year. Nevertheless, my point is that, like all bleeding hearts, you are only truly interested in me when you want something for yourself... another government
hand-out.

But, my friend, I won't stand for it! I am too much of a maverick and a patriot to give in to you and your demands. When the senate next votes on funding for the auto companies I will passionately advocate to give a great deal of money to GM and Ford. I will then get all my cronies to give not
one dime to Chrysler because, while I imagine the CEO and other Corporation heads are frequent GOP donors, they are still unworthy of my benevolence because they pay an employee who is not only married to the likes of you, but one who has co-created a daughter who is both a burden on society as a handicapped person and one of those depraved homosexual types I referred to above.

No, I will not help out your husband's company, however, I will settle for allowing him to continue to work at his current job. Why would I do that you may ask? Because I've heard that he hates his job, and I want him to suffer. Not
just because of his poor family choices, but because he hasn't accepted my savior Jeeshus Christ into his heart and is therefore only a meer poser in the republican party.

I appreciate your note and very much look forward to deleting your messages in the future

Sincerely,

John McCain

P. S.
Support our troops. maverick!

Tonight I got to see a favorite author of mine, Jodi Picoult, speak at a local library. She was as incredible as I imagined she would be. I've loved her books for a couple of years and I was thrilled that I got to meet her in person. I got to the library about 2 hours early and had to stand in line to insure that I'd get in, but it was definitely worth it. She spoke for about an hour... about her life and writing, and specifically about 3 of her books -- Change of Heart, 19 Minutes, and Second Glance. In person she talks very rapidly, which I like, and is a very animated speaker. She talked most about how she does research for the books she writes... like traveling to Arizona to research the death penelty, Vermont to go ghost hunting, and Colorado to learn about school shootings. She told us that one of her books, My Sister's Keeper, has been made into a movie that will likely come out this coming summer. She also told us that unfortunately the ending of that movie will be drastically different from her book. She says that when she sold the rights to her story they promised the ending wouldn't be changed, but they lied to her. I know... how sad! She also gave a bit of writing advice that I found helpful. Not so much that it was annoying, but a bit cause she knows some fans like to hear that sort of thing. She took questions at the end which brought out all sorts of random and yet interesting facts about her and her books. I can't do her presentation justice in my retelling, but the short version is that I was fully drawn in by her, wrapped in her words, and the time she spent speaking seemed to fly by. That's a clichet I know, but it's true. I'm very easily distracted, and don't always have the greatest concentration, but I was completely engaged the entire time.

It was a chaotic mess after she finished speaking, as everyone rushed towards the front to talk to her and have her sign books. I don't normally need regular print books, but I bought two paperback ones so I could have her sign them. I chose my two favorites -- My Sister's Keeper and Vanishing Acts. I did get to speak to her briefly while she was signing and she was very sweet. I gave her a compliment on her books... something lame about her creating little gems for me to carry around with me. And she said something like "oh that's so beautiful, thank you." Which I think was probably genuine. I then asked her which of hers was her favorite character, and of course it turned out to be someone who I couldn't place right away. It was a book that I had read, but I misheard what Jodi said, plus I was kind of on the spot and my personal random access memory didn't quite click quickly enough. So I said something like "Yeah I read that one but it's been a while..." Which probably sounded like I was lying, which I wasn't. It's just that I've read something like 8 of her books and the one she mentioned, Perfect Match, was one I couldn't recall quickly enough. Anyway, she was nice about that too, even though I probably looked flakey. She also let me take a picture with her too, which was pretty cool. I uploaded the picture with this entry... someone please tell me if it doesn't look right and I'll try to fix it.

Overall, this was a pretty amazing night and I'm so glad that I got to meet Jodi.

This is an unusually eventful week for me because not only did I get to see Jodi, but also I get to see one of my favorite comedians perform live this Saturday. She's Chelsea Handler, the woman who hosts a talk show on E called Chelsea Lately. However, while seeing her perform will be fun too, I won't get to actually meet and talk to her the way I did Jodi.

So yeah... getting to see two fenominal women in one week... not bad!

Top Ten Reasons Books Are Better Than Sex

10. With books, it's socially acceptable to read both men and women.
9. A book never has to ask "Was it good for you?" --- and then lie and say it was.

8. You don't have to shower after reading a book, except maybe Ann Coulter.

7. The pope says you can have books before marriage.

6. You don't have to get a book drunk first.

5. Books last longer than three minutes.

4. If you don't like what you see between the covers, you can toss it aside and find another book right away.

3. With books, length isn't important.

2. A book can make you sick, but not the kind of sick that requires a trip to the clinic.

1. You can have a new book every night, and they don't get jealous!

Thus the reason that I'm single, yet very well-read. And now I'll end this because I think I have a couple of great books in my bed waiting for me to wrap my arms around them. Wait... this is still my work day... dam!

--~--~------

While I'm content that Obama is our new president, tonight's election
results weren't as amazing as they could've been for me. Arizona passed a
gay marriage ban. We already voted down one ban two years ago. How it
managed to get back on the ballot and passed this year likely says a lot
about the number of really determined people here who happen to have a lot
of money.

It's sad because I really love this state. Nearly everything about it is
pleasant and exactly how I want it to be. I've lived in 5 different states
before this and Arizona makes me by far the happiest. I think I'd like to
live here forever, but if I someday fall far enough in love with a woman
that I wanna marry her, then I doubt I will stay here. How can I? I'll
likely have to go somewhere that I imagine is cold and desolate like New
England. And I will go because, as much as I love this place, it's still
just a place. Loving someone, and having a family with her, is more
important than any one place.

So some of you who know me well may be thinking... why do you care? It's no
secret that I don't especially want to get married to anyone, male or
female, ever. And it's true, I don't have the same rose-tinged view of
marriage that most of the world seems to share. But it's still a right that
I think everyone should have, whether or not they decide to utilize it. And
maybe I will wanna get married someday, and maybe I won't. I certainly don't
wanna have the decision made for me by a group of individuals who think
their perception of right and wrong is better than mine. As if they think
that God didn't make me, fearfully and wonderfully, into a woman who can
find peace through loving another woman. Folks who think that any marriage
between a man and a woman, no matter how fractured and flawed, is still
better than any loving relationship between two women. No, I'd rather be
able to decide not to get married because I choose not to, and not because
someone has decided that the way I love is the wrong way.

One thing that keeps me positive is this. There was a time in this country
when interracial marriage was banned in some places. People managed to
justify these rules through a variety of reasons--many of them supposedly
based in morality and Christian principles. And over time, those marriage
rules changed, both legally and socially. And now not only is interracial
marriage legal, it's widely accepted. In fact, Americans' perceptions of
race have changed so much over the years that we've just elected a black
president. And that fact makes me believe that anything can change.

My mind finally feels at rest. After weeks... months... of spinning and racing, I now know quiet. The fragmentation of my thoughts seems to be gone and I'm able to absorb and concentrate again. It's as if I'm lying in a boat, out on the water, just drifting. It's calm and peaceful as I softly bob along. It's been so long since I've experienced this, that the feeling is unfamiliar to me. Yet I imagine that this must be what others' minds are like all the time. And I wish that I could've reached this place sooner, but perhaps I had to be there before I could get here. In any case, I hope this lasts.

Hi all, October is breast cancer awareness month. I know that most of us are still too young for mammograms, but I wanted to ask you all to remind other women in your life to get one. I figure that everyone has a mom, grandma, aunt, sister, or a ckind of creepy woman who lives next door. Just help me spread the word about how important mammograms can be.

My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer too years ago and has been battling with it ever since. Believe me when I say it's a miserable experience and if I can prevent other women from going through that I'd love too. So please help me out by encouraging the women in your life to get mammograms.

OMG. How do you other LJ users do it? I'm trying to make a concerted effort to log onto this site more, in part to post, but mostly to keep up on friends' journals. But this is like the worst procrastination trap ever! I read other people's journals, leave comments, follow links... and it's like an hour+ later and I realize I haven't gotten done most of the things I'd originally intended to do.

After watching the singer Duffy perform on SNL tonight, I've decided that I want to create a new music genre. It will be titled WHY ARE YOU FAMOUS? I think she will fit perfectly into this category. She sounds like a drugged-out high school girl with a head cold. The background music is kinda catchy I guess, but I have no idea why peple think this chick can sing. So I'm calling Itunes first thing Monday mornging and advocating for the addition of this new genre. And if Itunes doesn't listen to me, I'll hire Duffy's PR team to promote me because apparently they can do a stellor job of marketing someone with almost no real talent. I'm sure this will be one of the most rapidly growing genres and will eventually expand to include such gems as Carrie Underwood, Amy Winehouse, Jason Castro, Justin Timberlake, and Posh Spice. And if the WHY ARE YOU FAMOUS? genre catches on in the music world, we can expand it to include well-loved TV personalities like Tila Taquila, Pierce Morgan, and all of the Girls Next Door.

I'm sure there are dozens more artists who could fit snuggly into this category, so feel free to comment with a few additions to my list. And be ready for when my new genre takes the world by storm!

I realize now that my last post about my new comp may have been just a tad bit ridiculous in
its ability to make a mountain out of a [mute]ation molehill. The flat mute and volume keys seemed incredibly complicated at the time, but I eventually worked it out.

I did listen to everyone's suggestions, but I tried putting tactile labels
over the mute and volume buttons before, and it hadn't worked because if I
even touched the tactile marking slightly, I would have already activated
the button because they were all incredibly sensitive. Yet after reading
people's comments I decided that was probably the best technique I was going to come up with, so I scavenged around my house and dug up all the various
odds and ends of labeling materials that I've accumulated over the years.
What I settled on was a series of little thick pink label dots. They were similar to the thin dots I'd tried
earlier except that these were squishy and thick enough that they desensitized the
buttons. I wasn't sure that they would work that way, but they did. So now
not only do I have the keys labeled, but the markings act as a buffer
between me and the key so that I won't activate any of them by mistake. The
cool part is that I can in fact use these keys if I want them by just
pushing on them with a bit of pressure. I don't intend to do this with the
mute button obviously, but it is incredibly useful for the up and down
volume buttons because it keeps me from searching through the annals of Vista
for the internal volume controls. So... there you have it. There are no
more bad touches in my life now that the muting issue has been resolved. I
think that maybe dots like these can be bought at ILA, but I wouldn't know
because I originally got these from some girl on the internet.

I think in part this keyboard labeling issue was bothering me more than it
should just because I was stressed out by adapting to new technology in
general. This was in part because I do 99% of my work for my job on a comp
and part because I was stuck in this middle of nowhere town last week
visiting my dad. And most of all, I'm kind of lost because my usual tech
support helper got himself a girlfriend which makes me and my lil tech
dramas far less of a priority for him. Not that this guy will ditch me completely
now, but in my experience, tech boys are far more likely to be
helpful if they actually harbor even a small hope that they will one day get
with you. I had believed that this particular guy's hopes for us would stay alive long enough for me to get my new comp up and running, but alas some chick named Angela
who I have never met and already hate has taken my tech boy and distracted
him from my little [mute]ated Vista problems. So now he's dead to me, and I
still have this comp to work out. But the comp and I have actually managed
to become friends over these past couple of days. It's really not as bad as
I had originally made it out to be. It's very different from what I'm used to and has some random
quirks, but then again the comp could likely say the same thing about me,
so I think we'll make it work. Thus proving to me yet again that most
things aren't ever really quite as bad as they seem at first. Well, except
for maybe the Ebola virus, which I really do believe does end worse than it
starts out. But since we really haven't heard much about that particular lil
gem since the 90s, I guess it's safe to say that most problems can be worked
through with a change of perspective and an attempt not to take life too
seriously.

I was excited to receive my new pink Dell laptop the other day. With a good
set of specs involving many gigs, rams, and rpms, I thought that I was about
to jet into the high-powered technological fast lane. But once I got the comp setup and
ready to go, JAWS (screen reader) installed and everything, I noticed a
problem. My computer would randomly stop talking to me for no reason.
After a lot of JAWS trouble-shooting and some exceptionally frustrating
calls to Freedom Scientific, I discovered that for once the comp problem
wasn't actually related to JAWS at all. It turns out that my comp kept
getting muted by accident. This had happened to me a couple of times before
with my old laptop. With that comp, I just learned not to press the key
combination that would trigger the mute. But it turns out not to be so
easy with this new comp. There is a very very sensitive
touch pad strip right above my row of function keys. If someone sighted
hadn't told me that it was there, I wouldn't have known that it existed at all. The buttons are completely flat and activate with
even the lightest touch. The mute button and other volume controls are
basically undistinguishable by touch. I tried sticking a piece of tape
directly above where the mute button is located, but that's only helped
somewhat. It's just too easy to accidentally press mute during regular
computer use. Whenever I reach for the function keys, or above the touch
strip to the power button, I can too easily activate that damn mute button.
And when my comp is muted, I can't do a thing with it because my screen
reader gets muted too. Thankfully, the comp can be unmuted by pressing the
mute button again, but it's never easy to identify exactly where that button
actually is. Sometimes I can unmute it right away, but sometimes I hit the
volume down button right next to it and think I've un-muted the thing when I
haven't. If this was happening occasionally it might not be so bad, but it
happens a LOT. And it's very annoying and makes it more difficult for me to
get anything done on this comp. I called the guys at Dell tech support and
asked whether there was a way to disable that row of touch keys, but they
said there is not because it's a part of the hardware. They also said that
most of all new Dell computers have that sort of touch pad. So now here I
sit post-tech support call, typing on my old half-dead comp, and wondering
what I should do next. Since I use my
computer all day every day for work, it's especially important that I have
something that is reliable and efficient. So I'm debating, should I just live with the annoying touch pad and
its ultra sensitive mute button, or should I send back the comp and start
over? I hated comp shopping as it was and don't relish the thought of
jumping back into that alligator pit again. However, I don't want to spend
the next several years of my life battling against constant [mute]tation.
Moreover, even if I send the comp back, I worry that most other new comps
will have a similar issue. This is supposed to at least be true of Dells,
and I like Dells. Not only do I like them, but more importantly, they're
what I can afford thanks to the discounts my dad gets through his work. I
don't mind switching comp companies, but it'll be more expensive, and even
then I may not get a comp that won't have this bizarre touch pad button
issue.

So, I'm asking all of you... have any of you experienced such an issue with
a laptop? If so, what did you do? If not, what do you suggest? Please
share your thoughts, because I'm out of ideas! Thanks.

Okay, if you read the other entry I wrote tonight, then I'm sorry. It was pretty damn negative. But I spent some time reading and reflecting, and I feel much better now. I removed the last entry, so those who missed it won't have to suffer through. I really am very lucky to have many of the things I do have--a job, amazing friends, loving family, etc. Yeah, that probably sounds lame, but it's true... and I'm glad that I can realize it. I let a lot of things get to me that I probably shouldn't, but I do recognize it, and I'm working on it in my own strange way. This has been an emotional day, and I think I'll head to bed now, because I'll likely wake up with a more tranquil and realistic view on everything. So, if you're feeling at all as stressed out and exhausted as I do, I urge you to try and think up some of the things that are great in your life--the ones you know you're lucky to have. You know the old saying about counting your blessings? I imagine that sounds too sweetsy, perky, and even annoying, but there's some truth in it nonetheless. I may be wrong, but try it anyway... and see.

If it sounds too good to be true... then it probably is.

I was excited when on CNET I saw an article about a website where one could find E-copies of popular magazines. I was thrilled because magazines are one item that Bookshare doesn't provide. They do have like 3 offered through Newsline, but those are boring ones like AARP and Economist. So mostly I either don't read magazines or I bug a friend to read me an article or two. NLS has a decent variety, but 1 those are recorded audio and 2 they still are missing a lot that I'd like to read. So this free electronic magazine site sounded amazing and got me really excited. Well, I checked the site out tonight and the magazines don't appear to be accessible. The site works fine, but when I clicked on either the "read" link or an individual article's title, JAWS just told me that the page was blank. I know it wasn't really blank, but JAWS disagreed. I didn't spend a ton of time with the site so it could just be that I didn't figure out the trick to make it work, but I'm not too hopeful. The site is www.mygazine.com. If any of you try it out with your screen reader and have better luck than I please let me know. I'll mention that the site may not be technically legal. CNET says that it gets around US copyright laws by being hosted on an overseas server. While theoretically I might think that's wrong, in practice I don't mind it. This is because at least for those of us who can't read standard printed magazines, e-copies are often our only means of reading them. If a magazine's publisher offered me a legal way to download their magazines, even a pay option, then I'd gladly do it. But most of them simply don't provide any alternative format. Their thinking seems to be... you can't read our magazines? Who cares? So I would've been okay with a less legal alternative since the publishers don't give me any other choice. But then to find out that even the online sites offering e-text copies of magazines aren't accessible... well, that just sucks. So I'm back to where I was before... stuck reading AARP or nothing!

A great friend is moving out of state for grad school this weekend. I saw her today and we hung out together for the last time in a while. It sucks. I hate when friends move. Havving many far-away friends does make for great places to travel to, but that only happens when one has the time and money of course. I'm really happy since my friend is going to a really cool program that I know she'll love, but still... I wish she would be less far.

I need to be doing work right now... but instead I'm procrastinating with the journal. Not that any of you can relate to that I'm sure. *smile*

I get to train my first new employee. Yes, a real one. Hmmm. Guess I might be getting good at this whole job thing after all. With this new person and one before him, I think I'm now something like third from the bottom in the office food chain.

Poll #1239131 Facebook and Coworkers
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Would you friend your coworkers on Facebook?